The Normal Crazy – leaving insanity behind

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Life is going…. good…. its almost easier than it has been in years. Years and years it seems. There is no chaos in my life.

No crazy text messages, no insane stories about cab drivers trying to kill anyone, tales of hit men, crazy stories you know couldn’t possibly be true, yet, always spun in a way you wondered.

Wondered and wondered where truth ended and reality began, what was real in the swirling web of lies.

Life is just… life. I get up and get my kids ready for school, I take them to the babysitter, I go to work, I pick them up we go home and have dinner/attempt and fail to not live in a disaster area and then go to bed and get up and do it all over again. Its the normal crazy

Loretta is eating the toothpaste

Wesley fell down in the bathroom

The movie is frozen up…

The WIFI is down

Someone said something mean at school

Someone forgot their homework

I love that kind of crazy. I love the insanity of children. The total rational side of my kids. I love them more than I want to breathe, I love them.

I am so thankful crazy is over. I miss my husband, I loved my husband, but I will find good in midst of pain.

Crazy, is now just… normal stuff. Not the stories that you cant share wtih anyone because they are so outrageous its hard for you to believe you lived them once yourself.

I pray for those stuck in insanity. I pray that they find peace and normal. You dont even know how exhausting it is until its gone.

Drugs take the rational and replace it with an upside spinning square that is collored 8, glow in the dark see through.

Drugs take the love that you used to cherish and replace it with twisted thorns that play peekaboo with the rose you once cherished, slowly killing it and choking off its source of light, its source of life, leaving only a dried flower a facade of what you once shared.

Drugs took away my prince charming. The man who love me, who knew on our first date that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.
They took away my kids dad who would play nerf guns in the house with his boys, and dreamed of his boys playing football and violin like he did.
He dreamed of taking them camping and couldn’t wait for them to be old enough.
They took the dad who put Ethan on his back and skateboarded to the ABC store with his toddler on his back.
The man who loved the ocean and the beach, who loved to take his boys surfing.
The man who would sit on the beach and eat chocolate covered macadamia nuts and drink champagne, as our date away from our tiny two bedroom apartment we lived on two blocks from the beach with our three kids.
The man who loved his kids and loved me.
They took him from me. They replaced him with a man who couldn’t see beyond oxycotin, who couldn’t see beyond the drugs that became all consuming. He became someone he hated. Someone he despised. Then they killed him.

its the cruelest way for life to take someone. To first take all the things you love about them, make them say horrible things, and treat you in ways no one should be treated while wearing the face of the person you love.

Its cruel to take a person so full of life and reduce them to someone who will do anything for drugs.

I’m OK, insanity is over. Life is ok. There is a calm. I’m buying a home. We will have a stable place for my children to grow and call home.

Insanity is over, and I’m trying so desperately to forget the man I knew for the last 4 years and remember the one I loved.

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