Sometimes I get stuck. Stuck in the bathroom, on the floor, not able to get up. I can only remember the pain. My mind won’t stop. I can hear that I’m needed, I have so much to do. I’m stuck. Paralyzed. Thoughts swirling,the why’s the what ifs.
I miss jason, I’m mad at jason. So angry at who he became. So upset he left us. So hurt that we were never enough, we were never enough. Orange used to be my favorite color. Now an orange marker cap had me in tears. Thinking it was a needle cap.
I’m damaged and hurt in ways I don’t understand.
I just want to breathe.
Weekends give me to much time to think.
Thinking brings on pain. So much pain.
I need to stop. Make a list, get things done. Do do do, I can do anything. I can. Just don’t make me remember. Don’t make me remember all I wanted before jason. Before life destroyed my husband and ultimately took his life.
My heart goes out to everyone stuck today. Get up, go do. You can. Being stuck helps no one. We have to get up, we have to move on.