I should be a statistic

I should be on food stamps, government healthcare, daycare assistance, rent assistance, living in HUD housing.  My kids should not have what they have, I should be struggling.  I’m not. 

I’m so thankful, its impossible to put into words.  The last five years have been hell.  Living through addiction, scraping by, hiding, secrets, then, he died.  A tragic end to a tragic story.  Or was it. 

Maybe it was Gods way of taking over and saying, I got this, Jason is at peace, he is home with Jesus happy. I am here, I miss him, terribly, every single day, I do.  I still cry, ever single day.  I laugh too. 

God has taken care of my kids and I, beyond all my expectations.  Seriously.  I look at my life some days and think.  WOW.  Is this really happening?  Am I really doing OK?  HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE!?

Its not possible alone.  So many people have been there for me.  My parents and sister especially.  Watching my kids for me everyday, picking them up from school, more importantly, loving them and caring for them.  Really caring for my kids.  Its amazing.  I’m amazed at Gods provision. 

I am so humbled by the outpouring of support, the amazing job I have, the awesome friends and family (especially my family) its overwhelming.  I wish everyone had what I have.  So now I want to give back whenever I can.  What I have is the direct result of God.  Its his, and I am humbled. 

Life is hard sometimes, but it is beautiful.  I have been through hell and made it, and can look back and see God has been here the whole time.  Some days i am angry, overwhelmed, even bitter.  Even then, God loves me, even then he has provided for me. 

I should be a statistic, but I’m not

 

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