The day I said I love you

Ashes
My husband. He was amazing. He had such a passion and dreams. My favorite thing to do was listen to him talk about his plans. Retiring at 40, building a nationwide catering business, skateboard tours down Haleakala! Every day a new dream! He LOVED to start things, his passion his energy, it swept me off my feet, literally. He loved me, he loved me the day he met me (or so he said) and would do anything for me the first five years of our marriage. I had true love and I didn’t even know how lucky I was. After only three weeks of dating, he told me he loved me. I thought he was full of it. I didn’t think it could be true, and did not saying anything in return. He kept saying he loved me, I would say “thank you” or just say, no you dont. He did, and he knew it. We went hiking up Peralta, and I gathered my courage, pulled him aside and said I love you to him in return. It was the beginning of the end for us, he asked me to marry him a few weeks later. :). Hiking up the mountain on April 19th,2014 I saw the spot, I passed it while carrying his ashes in my backpack. I said goodbye to him on the same mountain I first told him I loved him. I never stopped loving him, not through the pain, or the addiction that took him over, I loved him from that moment on and I always will. I learned so much from him. I learned to dream, I learned to take risks, I learned that love is painful and worth it. Without him I would never have the perseverance I have now, the ability to smile through tears and I would of never known that I was strong enough to deal with what God has given me, God made sure of it. I also learned from him dying, that life is too short to be spent un happy, its to short to be angry with people. I know I’m not alone in this finding, when you lose someone you care about, you have a new appreciation for life and for love. I scattered his ashes, knowing they were just that, ashes. He was in heaven with God, he was free from pain and tears. I was here, and I was OK. I am OK.

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2 Comments

  1. Love and loss both change us. I always tell people I’m not the same person I was before I met my late husband, nor the same person I was when he died. I am different in every way, not the least of which in the way I view the world. Only other widows/ers truly understand what I mean. I’m so sorry for your loss.

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