Fathers Day

I feel you gone more than any other day since you died.  Today, the day we would go to the river.  Today, the day I would make you chorizo for breakfast.  Today, the day I would have all the kids make you fathers day cards.  The day I would consistently make you a crayon/construction paper card.  I always have done that, you were one person on earth who appreciated it ;).  I keep praying God will fill in the gaps, and be the dad you and I cant be.  I trust he will, but some days (most days) I don’t see how. The truth is.  I’m not strong enough.  The truth is, I’m not capable.  The truth is, I fail every single day.  I cannot be our children s dad.

That is the hard truth.  Thank God he promises to be a father to the fatherless.  He promises to fill in where I am failing.  (which seems to be everywhere).  Today on Fathers day, I remember all the dads out there, my Dad – who is simply put , an amazing human being.  Always loves, modeled parenthood in such a way everyone of his kids hopes to be like him.  I’m trying to not be angry, when I see other people celebrating their husbands, and having their kids show love for their dad.  I’m trying.  I’m trying to be happy.  Its hard to not slip into depression and self pity.  I don’t have you.  My kids don’t have their dad.

I’m praying for all of you out there in the same boat.  Praying that God will bring you comfort.  We are making videos of memories we have of our “dad” and remembering him, playing his favorite game to play with us (rummy) eating donuts, watching his favorite movies and trying to remember.  Yes there are a lot of tears, (mainly mine) but we want to remember him this Fathers Day.

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