To love is pain

I hate listening to love songs on the radio.  Yes, I’m a Grinch.  I just feel lied to, cheated, tricked.  When you choose to love someone, you are choosing pain.  Every single love ends in great pain for at least one party.  Either you “break up” or one of you dies.  Either scenario ends in pain.  Our song was “I’m going to love you forever”  That’s just a nightmare.  Imagine the curse of loving someone forever.  People die.  If i truly decided to love Jason forever, I would now be destined to be alone the rest of my life.  I’m not even 30 yet.  I’m not going to ” love you forever,” ” I’m going to love you until the day one of us dies.  And hope and pray its a good long while, but as I so painfully know, might be today.”  – super catchy isn’t it :D.  Not so romantic of a song?  The truth and reality of things is not very “romantic”  My life hasn’t exactly been a romance novel, dramatic, passionate, full of twists and turns, and super unexpected, but not a romance novel.  My life, goodness, I’m still living it, still breathing every day.  Still waking up, still going on, attempting to be healthy (100 dollars at the freaking vitamin store!!!)  I’m doing it without “my love” the one I vowed in sickness and in health till death do us part (and we parted).  The one who we all desperately seek out to spend “forever” with.  In reality we are seeking out pain.  We are seeking out to find someone who we will, or they will, ultimately break a heart.  Its ours or theirs.  If we dare to love, we inevitably will all hurt or be hurt.  Am I saying we shouldn’t seek this out?  Not at all, I am so thankful I got to love, I got to be hurt.  i only know the true pain of losing someone I loved, because I was given the gift of loving.  I only know the true pain of being hurt by someone I love, because again, I was given the gift of Love.  You cant be hurt if you don’t love. You cant lose someone if you never had them in the first place.  I just am processing, and I’m blunt.  Not trying to rain on anyone’s “love parade”  I honestly think its beautiful to be open and vulnerable with another person, and allow them to love you,  to risk them hurting you.  Its what we are called to do, our purpose of being here is to love one another.  To lay ourselves down, put our own interests aside in favor of others. Its just not usually viewed in the reality of what it is.  A doorway to ultimate hurt and pain.  We will be hurt, or we will hurt someone.  Someone is going to die.  So, I ask, to the ones seeking love, what are you so afraid of?  I hate it when people say they wont “ask that person” say those things “as that person out” or be vulnerable for fear of rejection, or fear of getting hurt.  It makes NO SENSE.  Your goal is to ultimately be hurt!  Remember if you made it, one of you died.  So what are you afraid of?  If your afraid of pain, your seeking the wrong thing, if your afraid of hurting someone or being hurt, please don’t “play the love game” because as I’ve already pointed out, winning means you will have a lot of pain, or cause a lot of pain.  Most likely a combination of both, so, live without fear, love with the certainty of being hurt,    –  If your love ends in death, congrats – if it ends some other way, you too are in for a world of hurt and pain, ask anyone who has suffered a divorce,  To live in love is to live in pain.  Its worth it.  Keep on loving, keep on trying.  Better to feel pain and love than feel nothing at all.  

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1 Comment

  1. I agree with a lot of this but the part about you not being able to love jason forever I think if victor died I would love him forever but that doesnt mean i couldn’t love someone else also. I would just love victor in a different way. Just my thoughts 🙂

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